The internet is brilliant. Whereas once I used to have to reserve my anger at idiots by looking at the tabloid front pages in newsagents and sneering at the pathetic drivel they try to pass off as 'news', or reading it over the shoulder of the bloke in front on the bus and wishing the bastard would turn the page to the next story so that I wasn't being stared at by some plastic Page 3 model's nipples (the model of course looking startled, as though she wasn't expecting the photographer to come round to her house while she was tottering about on her 6 inch heels and wearing only the bottom half of a kinky nurse's outfit), these days I can have the very worst shit that the tabloids pump out fed directly to me thanks to such brilliant places as Twitter and Reddit. Yes, within minutes of the bowel movements of the tabloids being curled, steaming, into the toilet bowl of their website, people are tweeting them to the world. Jan Moir's vile homophobic rant about Stephen Gateley and the subsequent answer that dug her even further into the hole; Rod Liddle's accidental exposure of his inner racist (not that it's that hard to spot generally, mind) - and these are just the high profile ones. Today brought me one that will no doubt get much less interest, but which to me, as someone who respects individuality and women's rights to equality, demands an answer.
Liz Jones posted an article on the Daily Mail's website today - in the Femail supplement, of course - that is clearly inspired by the current news about the wife of the Northern Ireland First Minister, Iris Robinson, and her much-publicised romp with a 19 year old boy. I don't feel too sorry for Iris, to be fair, because she also spouts homophobic rhetoric too, so I shrug as she gets pelted with shit from the media and wish someone would just point out to her that this is exactly what she dishes out when she spits venom at gays. However, Liz gets carried away with her discussion of toyboys and takes us on a dark trip into her own frustrated, joyless, dysfunctional sexuality - and then assumes that all women work this way. Let's take a peek into the mindset of this woman.
"But while we all know that men are driven by sexual desire, there is a consensus, and I’m not being anti-feminist when I say this, merely realistic, that women care a lot less about sex and validation via the bedroom."
I suspect that isn't actually the case, but do continue.
"In her new film, It’s Complicated, Meryl Streep – who at 60 looks fabulous – plays a character who is positively whorish."
Whorish? Did she just say that in 2010? That a woman in a film portrays a character who is sexual and enjoys it, but she's been described as whorish? What decade is this again? Did we suddenly fall down a time hole and end up in the 1950's? I thought the only people who used words like that nowadays were fundamentalist southern baptist types in the US, who also fall to the floor 'speaking in tongues' and frothing at the mouth when they are not staring beatifically at their bibles and listening to voices. But to hear it coming from a modern journo - not only that, but a female modern journo is just gobsmacking. And yet this still pales before the sweeping generalisation that comes next.
Whorish? Did she just say that in 2010? That a woman in a film portrays a character who is sexual and enjoys it, but she's been described as whorish? What decade is this again? Did we suddenly fall down a time hole and end up in the 1950's? I thought the only people who used words like that nowadays were fundamentalist southern baptist types in the US, who also fall to the floor 'speaking in tongues' and frothing at the mouth when they are not staring beatifically at their bibles and listening to voices. But to hear it coming from a modern journo - not only that, but a female modern journo is just gobsmacking. And yet this still pales before the sweeping generalisation that comes next.
"But to be honest I don’t think the majority of women, once they are past the teenage crush period, even think about sex that much.
They put up with it, with the repetitiveness, the ridiculousness, the inconvenience and the inevitable disappointment, because it gets them to where they want to be: married, with children and someone to help shoulder the bills and dig the garden"
Ok Liz, let's backtrack a bit here. So you have issues with sex. You find it repetitive and ridiculous, inconvenient and disappointing. Stick to what you know. But to then take that personal experience and tar all women across the board with that dreadful picture? That's just a slur against your own gender, and you should write another article apologising to the women of Britain for effectively describing them all as withered, dried up sticks who 'put up with' sex and really just want someone to give them children and help them with the fucking gardening. I can see thousands of women gnashing their teeth in anger and disbelief at this article; in trying to speak for everyone in this way she's ended up like someone at a party who's just said, in a loud clear voice, "Well of course, we've ALL wanted to taste someone else's shit at some point in our life, haven't we?" and then wondered why everyone is moving away from her quickly and giving her looks of disgust. I know there are women who do see sex the way she sees it - however (and this is the weird bit - unlike Liz, I'm neither a woman nor a seasoned journo) I also understand that there are many, many other women who do enjoy sex, and for its' own sake too, and many more who fall in the middle. Because, guess what. Humans are all different. Just because I personally get quite excited by ginger haired women doesn't mean that I suddenly believe that all men everywhere only fancy ginger haired women. Jones seems to miss that very fundamental part of writing for people, and assumes that her deficiencies in this area are general female traits.
On a par with this towering piece of craptitude is her statement about why a woman gets herself a toyboy;
"A woman embarks on a relationship with someone much younger than her because she believes she can manipulate him, boss him, steal his sperm and then nurture him as she would a child or a pet"
Wow, this is a cold woman. I mean properly, heart made out of cold dark matter that interacts with nothing. Absolute zero is the coldest temperature in the universe, where everything stops completely, but her soul makes 0 degree Kelvin seem like a warm summer day by comparison. So not only does she find sex tedious, but she seduced a younger man (whom she later married) in order to basically stick a joypad socket in his head and control him a la Halo, though involving less shooting and more shopping. Incredible. And to nurture him as you would a pet? Christ, what did she do, have the poor cunt lay across her lap while she tickled his tummy and fed him chocolate drops if he'd been a good boy? Take him for walks with a special collar on and let him sniff her crotch from time to time? Oh no, she'd have hated that latter, it would be too much like sex.
And the scariest part of all? I already mentioned it. This piece of anti-feministic dogshit is published in the Femail, the Mail supplement aimed squarely at women. This is the image they want to pass on to the people of the country. Feel good about sex? Now feel guilty about it because Liz Jones tells you that it's dysfunctional to feel so horny you want to fuck someone just for the sake of it. Thought relationships might be about love? Nope, sorry to shatter your illusions girly, they're about manipulation and cold-hearted control. What the hell are the Daily Mail trying to do, breed a generation of frustrated, bitter, asexual Margaret Thatcher clones?
Oh. Oh. Right. Sorry. Don't know what came over me there...
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